I can’t stay mad at you
A couple days ago, I was pretty mad. I wrote a very angry article directed at Medium. Last night, this jumped out at me in the Bible:
Do everything without complaining and arguing…Philippians 2:14 (NLT)
That’s all I was doing when I wrote the angry article. Complaining. I was convicted.
The target of my anger was Medium. Ultimately, I think it was caused by being tired (physically) and tired (emotionally).
Regardless, it was not a very Christian way for me to act. I was not being an adult. I need to accept the things I cannot change. I need to change the things I can.
I know my article was released on the Internet, and that is kinda forever. I can only do what I can do. There will be much more good than bad out there. I’m a work in progress.
I have taken down the original article. I’m not normally an angry person.
It’s not Medium’s fault that I am not a successful writer (yet). My anger was misdirected.
I was frustrated. I vented. I’m done now.
It struck a chord with some other frustrated writers out there. My article quickly gathered my second highest return yet.
I don’t want to make money based on anger, though. I don’t want that to be my niche. The article made $4.62. My monthly Medium membership is $5. We’re square, Medium.
I read a good article by Tim Denning this morning: How I Became a Viral Blogger…
It took him three years to become a famous blogger. I have been writing on Medium for two months. How big is my hubris right now? There is some left over rage here. My first self-published novel on Amazon fell flat. I’ve talked about that before. It’s not high-quality. But it was mine. I am re-writing it now and releasing it as a serial.
I am angrier that I spent so much time and it went nowhere. I resented the loss of time. I think it’s also misplaced anger over the loss of my son.
Read More… My Son was Murdered by His Mother
Along with that loss is the feeling that my 30’s were stolen. Immediately after I have that thought, I am guilty. I’m still alive, missing decade or not.
I stuff the whole meal of emotions down again. They’ll bubble up and I’ll explode at something else silly.
It’s a little nugget of rage that I’m chewing on. I don’t know how to digest it. Can I give it to God the same way I forgave the murder?
How did we get here?
I did cancel my Medium membership the other day. It was already paid through the month, so it didn’t matter much. I turned it back on today. No one will notice. It was my feeble attempt to shake my fist at “The Man.”
I want to become a better writer. I want to practice and hone my craft. I like to read books about sentence structure and plotting. I read the book “Editing for Fiction Writers” for fun.
My series of books will be on a bookshelf one day. I’m not going to stop.
Today I got my Medium earnings for my second month on the platform. It is significantly higher than last month. If it weren’t for daily writing, I wouldn’t have a solid portfolio of articles on my website (https://mwmccabe.com/).
I have Medium to thank for that.
Thank you, Medium.